The Myth of DIY and the Power of Advocacy
Part 3 in a Series of Insights from Joint Replacement Surgery
With my wife and advocate upon leaving the hospital
When I was at a low point in my career, I hired a coach. At the time, I wasn’t sure it was what I needed. But looking back, it made all the difference.
Interestingly, when I was preparing for my recent surgery, I told my wife I didn’t think I needed her there. I believed I could manage on my own. Thankfully, she knew better — and insisted on being by my side. I can’t tell you how grateful I am that she was there.
She didn’t just sit quietly in the background. She advocated for me in ways that directly improved my recovery:
Managing my pain regimen: The plan was for me to be on both Tylenol and ibuprofen, but for some reason I was only given ibuprofen. My wife caught the oversight, pressed the issue, and got the plan corrected.
Staying ahead of the pain: One of the biggest factors in my healing was ice. Staff were too stretched to keep up with the melting ice, but my wife tracked down the ice machine and kept me freshly stocked. When I saw my doctor two days later, he was astonished by how little swelling I had.
Ensuring I wasn’t alone: After surgery, I was unexpectedly taken to the ICU. Hospital rules said she needed to leave by 8 p.m., but she asked to stay — and they allowed it. Later that evening, when I was thirsty and in need of some quality nourishment (not jello), she knew the ER doors never locked and used that route to come back with what I needed.
None of this was about defying the hospital or criticizing the staff. The reality is they were stretched thin, juggling patients with much higher needs. But my wife’s vigilance, resourcefulness, and presence filled the gaps — and it made all the difference for me.
Blind Spots and Advocacy
That experience reminded me about the way I think about leadership support. As leaders, we often don’t know what we need until someone helps us see it. Left to my own devices, I would have been under-medicated, under-iced, and alone in the ICU. I thought I could manage — but her advocacy proved otherwise.
Leaders are no different. We pride ourselves on self-reliance and having the answers. But our very strength can become our greatest blind spot. Sometimes, the smartest move is to let someone else who knows the terrain guide us.
Why DIY Isn’t Enough
Many leaders lean on books, podcasts, or training programs. These are valuable, but they’re not the same as having someone beside you in real time.
A book can’t notice that you’re missing an essential piece of the plan. A podcast can’t bring you real time feedback on your ideas. A training program can’t tell you to take a break when you need a creative solution.
Just as my wife didn’t need to be a patient to advocate effectively for me, a coach doesn’t need to live your exact challenges to guide you well. What matters is their familiarity with the context — the systemic blind spots, the pressures, and the patterns that can derail leaders.
Strength Is Found in Partnership
In sports, we accept without question that athletes need coaches. In healthcare, we know patients need advocates. But in leadership, too often we cling to the outdated myth of rugged individualism — the belief that we should figure it out alone. A belief that we are strong and that what got us here in the first place will get us to the next milestone.
The truth is, leaders perform at their best when they have a trusted guide at their side. Not to hand them the answers, but to make sure they don’t face the journey alone.
Resilience isn’t about standing solo against the storm. It’s about having someone who knows the road, walks it with you, and helps you stay grounded and strong.
A Better Way Forward
Leaders don’t have to wait for crisis, burnout, or a major failure to realize they need support. They can choose, proactively, to invite someone into their journey—a coach, a mentor, a trusted partner—who helps them see what they can’t, and who advocates for their growth and resilience.
That’s the work I do with leaders. As a coach, I come alongside you—bringing perspective from my own leadership experience and grounding our work in proven frameworks like the Leadership Practices Inventory (LPI) and The Leadership Challenge. These tools don’t replace your instincts or experiences—they sharpen them, making it easier to see blind spots, align with your values, and lead with confidence.
Recovery, resilience, and leadership all share this truth: having someone beside you makes all the difference. And the best time to invite that support isn’t after the setback—it’s before.
